I Knew

My brother and sister-in-law had to say goodbye to their beautiful little Abagail. I wrote this for them.

I Knew

You loved me.

I knew.

I knew the day you picked me. My biological sibling was bouncing around, but you picked me. I never knew why, but something happened when our eyes met. Call it luck, maybe? I call it fate. We looked for each other and we found what we sought. A connection. An instant love. I knew I was cute, of course, but there were a lot of cute ones there that day. You knew I was special.

You loved me.

I knew.

I knew when we got home. A home. A real home. It was warm and cozy and full of laughter and fun. I had a new pack and I adapted quickly. This new sensation overwhelmed my tiny body. I tried to play with my older, grumpy sister. I did play with my human siblings – roughhousing with them in a way that reminded me of my puppy time, but fun. My Dad too. He was great to jump on when he lay on the floor. This house was the perfect house for me.

You loved me.

I knew.

I knew because most dogs aren’t this lucky. Some never have homes. Some have bad homes. Some have homes, but don’t have love. I did. In abundance. From my humans. My older sister. My new younger sister. They all loved me.

You loved me.

I knew.

I knew because of how you held me closer when older sister crossed the rainbow bridge. I did my best to comfort you because how often were you a comfort to me? I missed her too, but I knew all dogs go there eventually and some day it would be my turn.

You loved me.

I knew.

I knew because you gave me another little sister, and suddenly I was the responsible, oldest sibling. I tried to be patient and put up with their rambunctiousness and their playing. But they knew their place with me. How many times did I look at you with that exasperated look, only to get a laugh and an extra treat?

You loved me.

I knew.

I knew from a million small ways. The Sunday morning drives with Dad to get the paper. The way you let me snuggle close in bed at night. The extra treats you snuck to me. The endless throwing of balls for me to chase. The way you lay on the floor to play. The toys you bought. The clothes you put me in to keep me warm. The way I could bundle up under the blanket with you in the chair on cold days. The care you constantly gave me. Scratches in the right places. Sneaking bites of hamburger to me.

You loved me.

I knew.

I knew because if you didn’t love me, my fur wouldn’t be damp with your tears as you held me one last time. You told me. You said I was a good girl and you loved me. But don’t worry about me. I’m going to find Sophie waiting for me. Grampie will be chasing her on the tractor, but they’ll come to greet me. Grammie will too. Both my Grampies and Grammies. I’ll finally get to meet the kitty cousin who shares my name, and probably Dad’s old dog, Jasper, too. So don’t worry. I won’t be alone. I’ll be waiting for you. Because I loved you too. So as I drift to sleep, don’t cry. I’m not in pain and I know you did everything you could.

Because you loved me.

And I knew.