Such a Thriller

The lovely leader of our little writing retreat, Kristine, participated in a writing marathon and posted about her prompt.  I wanted to participate as well.  However, I knew I wouldn’t have the time.  Rather unfortunate, but since Kristine posted the prompt, I thought I might give it a try as a sort of challenge to myself to see if I could come through with anything. 

Challenge:  48 hours to write a maximum 1,000 word story in the THRILLER genre.  Setting is a service station and must include an umbrella.

This ended up being more of a challenge than I expected. I’ve never written anything thrilling or suspenseful, so that part was difficult. My biggest worry was the word constraint. Building suspense isn’t easy in one thousand words, but I tried my best. Total word count: 917

It’s 3am, Do You Know Where Your Gas Station Attendant Is?

The hum of the slushee machine churning out iced beverages next to the counter crowded into Marissa’s mind.  It was all she could hear, this late at night.  Early in the morning?  Three am could be considered both, she supposed.  Her forearms rested on the counter above the glass that covered the selection of scratch offs, as she leaned her body tiredly against it. 

Overnight shift sucked, especially when your co-worker decided to take a nap in the back, leaving you to your thoughts, the slushee machine, and the raging storm outside – almost guaranteeing no customers.  The pumps were deserted; the large neon sigh of gas prices blinked intermittently and Marissa made a mental note to leave a message for the owner of the gas station to have it checked out.

“I should have brought a book,” Marissa sighed out, her voice echoing through the store.  The fluorescent lights painted a macabre sort of scene in front of her, emphasizing the garish colors of snack food packaging, beer advertisements, and candy wrappers.  It hurt her eyes to stare at it for too long, but she had nothing else to do.  Bathroom clean, stock put out, cash register emptied into safe – all the ‘keep busy’ jobs done.

The light jingle of the door opening startled Marissa out of her half doze.  She glanced over, mostly to determine if it looked like danger.  Working overnight at a remote gas station did have it’s dangers, though their small town rarely saw any crime.  Still, it was better to be safe than sorry. 

A woman stood just inside the entrance, the door clanging shut behind her.  Her hands shook out an umbrella, spattering thick raindrops onto the clean floor.  Marissa groaned inwardly, knowing this would require getting out the mop and bucket.  The woman smiled at her, a slight tilt to the lips and shrug of one shoulder to indicate an apology.  Her hair, long and dark blond, hung wetly around her shoulders.

Funny.  Marissa hadn’t seen a car drive up.

“Can I help you?”

“My car broke down,” the woman said, gesturing with her free hand vaguely in the direction away from town.  “I called a tow truck, but they said it’d be about an hour.”  She sighed, pushing back the strands of hair stuck to her face.  “Is there any way I can use your bathroom?  I couldn’t bear to squat at the side of the road.”

Marissa smiled and pointed.  “Sure.  They’re public.  Just down that hall.”

“Thank you so much,” she said, her painted lips smiling widely over perfect white teeth. 

The woman disappeared and Marissa leaned against the counter again.  She thought about waking up Seth, but decided to let him sleep.  Standard protocol was to have both staff out on the floor late at night, but this woman posed no obvious threat that Marissa could see, and she knew Seth worked two other jobs besides this, so she let him be.

The slushee machine still churned away, the sign kept blinking, and Marissa kept staring aimlessly at the candy aisle.  To be honest, she zoned out until a particularly bright flash of lightning followed by a loud crack of thunder jolted her out of her daze.  She glanced at her phone.  3:45 am.  Strange, that woman never came back from the bathroom.  How long had she been in there?

Feeling uneasy, Marissa went to the bathroom door and knocked.  “Ma’am?  Are you ok?”

There was no answer, so she knocked and called again – harder and louder. 

Silence.

She tried the door, fully prepared to apologize, but found the bathroom empty.  Was Marissa so out of it that she didn’t see the woman leave?  No, she was positive she would have seen it.

She looked around.  The hallway was short and stocked with boxes of extra stock from their earlier shipment, leaving a narrow passage toward the back room where Seth slept.  Feeling more uneasy, Marissa went to check there, hoping the woman would be there.  Propped against the wall next to the back room door was the woman’s umbrella, still dripping from the rain.  Marissa frowned at the small puddle.

“Seth?” Marissa called as she pushed against the Employees Only sign to swing the door open.  “Seth, wake up.”

The back room was not large, enough room for some stock, a cot, and the manager’s desk and file cabinets.  The cot, a narrow, low-to-the-ground army cot was empty.  No one else was in the room. 

In spite of the warmth in the room, Marissa shivered.  She had seen neither Seth nor the woman leave.  Unless they went out the back door.  Her unease grew as she went to check that.  Locked.  From the inside by a bolt.  They didn’t leave that way.

She returned to the counter, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up now.  She didn’t care how late it was, she was calling her boss. 

Only her phone was gone.

Seth wasn’t prone to playing pranks.  “Seriously, Seth, if you’re fucking with me…”

The sign outside flickered again, and then went out.

“Seth, this isn’t funny!”

She heard a noise and spun to see nothing.  Her heart pounded now as she felt her back press against the cigarettes on display.

Marissa realized the slushee machine had stopped.  She heard her own ragged breathing as it dragged in and out of her lungs.  Then another sound.  A quiet feminine laugh. 

The fluorescent lights shut off and Marissa screamed.